i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
