Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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