He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
