Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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