Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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