i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
