i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
