i just had sex bonerless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
