Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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