My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
