you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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