The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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