Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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