Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
