dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
