i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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