Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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