I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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