Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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