It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
