i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
