You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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