They should really pass out barf bags in church
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
