Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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