im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
