Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize