I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
