i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
