all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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