I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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