do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
