you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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