I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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