soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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