I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
