If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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