my being single is dangerous.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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