Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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