I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
