The maid of honor just puked.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
