I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
