Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
