the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
