The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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