Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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