I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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