The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
