My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
