You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
