i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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