Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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