I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
