My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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