there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
