so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
