How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize