This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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