No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
