two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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