Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
