tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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