Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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