At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
