Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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