I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
