Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
