idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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